Tuesday, August 29, 2017

thank you

To everyone that read and/or contacted me about my last post about my dad, thank you! I cannot express in words how much it meant to me to know that so many of you still remember him or know the feeling. I truly felt surrounded by love and the lonely, scary feeling evaporated. 

So thank you for reaching out! I wish I could give all of you a giant hug!

xo, kel

PS- a little cuteness to brighten up your day:

links, links, links //vol. 27

This print is my life. 

Andy Warhol inspired print. 

These heels are so south florida to me (and I love them).

I really, really want this adorable dress. 

These DIY earrings are adorable!

I'm getting really excited for Fall... and these outfits are definitely helping!!!!

I have been completely obsessed with this game for a few months now. <3

Has anyone else been watching Big Brother this season? I'm totally #teampaul 

Game of Thrones bath bombs? Yes please!

I'm kind of in love with this maxi skirt. 

Yes, yes, yes. I've become a total fan of stones as jewelry lately and this is right up my alley.

I feel like this canvas quote needs a home in my classroom.

I need this Harry Potter shirt. Like ASAP.

If you are a teacher and you have not seen Eddie's videos, you must!! Even better is if you can see him live! I swear I've never laughed so hard.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

16 years ago today

It's hard to believe that a teenage life ago (16 years) I lost my dad. My life literally turned upside down. And while this blog has been a space where I share how I feel about this day, sometimes I feel weird doing it. Am I sharing too much? Am I not sharing enough (but then again, I don't want this to be like a diary). 

I remember in the beginning- thinking, wishing, praying that it wouldn't always hurt so badly. Then the memory of the day reached a point where I felt okay (well, as okay as it can be). I didn't cry all day long. I didn't feel this giant hole that ripped apart my heart. And then, it started to feel foreign. I've spent more than half of my life now without a father- my father. Certain traits and familiarities I once could remember so well, I can't now. 

So it's now been 16 years. 
I'm still sad- there is a big part of me that is missing. A huge player in my life that never got to see me grow up, graduate high school and then college, become the teacher I always wanted to be, get married..... There aren't many people in my life these days that had met him. Which I guess is partly why I feel so bizarre on this anniversary. It's a sad one and most of the time I don't feel like there's anyone to talk to about it. No one mentions him to me outright, even today. And I feel like most people don't want me to bring it up-- I get it, it's a depressing subject. "So today is the anniversary of my dad's death." "Hey can we talk about my dead dad?" "So can I just mention my dead dad, because I don't really have a lot of memories of him anymore, so it's not like I can share those with you." Because the awful, terrible truth is that the memories I do still have are slim. They are memories that seem not worth sharing- we hung out on Sundays. We made a habit of going to blockbuster and subway. He bought me my first and only skateboard. Who wants to hear uninteresting stories like that???  

I'm not trying to sound emo (I'm not even sure if that's "the" phrase to use anymore). I'm not writing this to get pity, in fact, I would hate that to be the outcome. I also don't want to bring anyone down (which is another reason I never talk about this to people). 

The truth is, I feel like the world has forgotten this incredible man, and with that, I am forgetting him too. It's a flipping horrible feeling. 

And yes, I've tried  the "old fashioned" way of journaling memories. I even have a book of pictures to remember events and him. But it's not the same. Not having anyone to talk to me about him, it just plain sucks. No one else remembering what today is (and having only one friend send me their thoughts and love today) sucks. But I don't expect anyone else to remember I guess. And I don't want to be the debbie downer that brings it up. So I guess this is the catch-22. 

Death sucks. 

I guess that's all......


Tuesday, August 22, 2017

song #14- Total Eclipse of the Heart

So I am obviously adding this song to the 2017 playlist because of the solar eclipse yesterday. Pretty awesome, even if it was cloudy and so my kiddos and I didn't get to see anything in real life (but we did live stream it from Charleston, which was pretty cool). 
Anyone get to actually the eclipse clearly????

This song also reminds me of a kid of mine from 3 years back. Everyone kept yelling at one girl to turn around (because she kept staring at them). Instead, this boy slowly stood up and started singing this song.... "turn around...". I think of that jokester every time I hear this song. Man I miss him!

xo kel

Saturday, August 12, 2017

song #13 - Suit & Tie

Okay all, I promise this is the last wedding song (for now.....) ha!

At first, I had really wanted this song to be our first dance, however; Austin was able to change my mind. 
Instead, he ended up serenading me at our wedding with this song!  It was perfect. 

When Austin and I first started dating he would play this song when we were with friends (they are the "let's take out our instruments and randomly play" kind of awesome crew). I think I might have fallen hard for him that night because of him singing this song (and he killed it). So when he surprised me and sang this to me at our wedding, I melted. 

xoxoxox, kel

song #12 - Fire and the Flood

I would like to promise that this is my last wedding song....but I doubt it will be. I started down this nostolgic train and I don't think I'm getting off any time soon, ha!
So this song.... Austin and I thought of a few songs for our first dance (and I honestly believed we had picked the song numerous times) but eventually we realized this song was just too perfect for us and our relationship. 
I really loved having fun dancing to it (although I wish I had known how long it is.... that is a long ass time to dance in front of 100 of your closest friends and family members).

xo, kel

song #11- Moth's Wings

Picking a song for after the wedding as our exit song to was not as easy to pick as the others were. I wanted something that was happy and fun (and honestly because Austin and I both love Passion Pit so much, I wanted one of their songs to be incorporated into the wedding). I searched the internet for ideas and while I had originally thought of this being the one I walked down the aisle towards Austin to, I switched things up. I felt like it was the perfect exit song. 
It also slightly reminds me of my dad, so being able to incorporate him into the wedding as much as possible was awesome. 
It also still makes me smile. I really hope that never goes away.

xo, kel

song #10 - Cutty Love

Another wedding song from last year!!! I think because our anniversary was a couple of weeks ago I've been especially nostalgic.
So this song.... first of all I love Milo Greene. They are definitely one of my favorite bands.  However a couple of years ago my best friend was getting married and I started day dreaming about the day Austin and I might possibly get married (of course he hadn't even proposed yet...). When I heard this song, I immediately knew. If Austin and I were to get married, this was the song I needed to walk down the aisle to. 
So I did.

xo, kel

song #9 - You and Me

This probably should've been a part of last year's soundtrack (except I didn't make one...oops). However, every time I hear it I am catapulted back to our wedding day. This was the song that we decided Austin and our wedding party would walk down to the aisle to. It's so perfect in regards to mine and Austin's relationship (plus Pink rocks)!!

xo, kel

Friday, August 11, 2017

back to it

So the beginning of school is finally here. And while the students don't start back until Monday, I've been back in the thick of things for awhile. I've been doing a lot of trainings this summer (and learned a lot) but I wasn't able to get into my class until last week. A part of me wishes I had done more at home this past summer, but it is what it is now.

So how is it going?!?! Well, if the picture above tells you anything, its going a bit slowly. Luckily my mom showed up for about 8 hours today!!! She's seriously amazing. 

I think that I forget how much goes into making a classroom every year. It's totally worth it, but I seem to always be in a slight panic about getting everything done in time. 

But I'm excited for a new year! (I also have been missing my past kiddos-- so glad that some of them visited me today though!!) 

Happy new school year to all my fellow teachers (and the kiddos out there)!!! I hope its all our best yet!

xoxo, kel