I can't believe I just found out about this....this site allows you to look up CW shows by episode and check out outfits of main actors to get their "look"! (Don't judge me for the show I was looking at- I just started watching (okay binge watching) Hart of Dixie.)
reading Memoirs of a Geisha. This is a book club pick and while I am not too terribly far into it, I am really enjoying it. It's sad though.
watching The Wire. Okay, I know it's been off the air for what, a decade? But Austin put it on the other night and I got addicted. Currently binge watching Season 2.
listening to everything. I keep trying to add songs to my spotify list. My goal is to make the most amazing list of songs that I love so that they rarely repeat. Right now I have only 140 songs. But I keep going back through old mixed cds from friends and trying to find new songs from artists. Currently, listening to Handsome Furs, The Raveonettes, Swell Season.
If you have any recommendations, please tell me!!!
thinking about the stupid hurricane- Irma. We here in Florida had a rough go of it, but luckily she left us quickly. (And even more luckily, our family didn't have any serious damage!!!)
dreaming of Disney! I want to go back asap.
(below photos from our Disney day a couple of weekends ago).
I absolutely love this song. As far back as I can remember my mom would play Earth, Wind, and Fire and we would dance and sing (in the car, living room, weddings....wherever). It is just such a happy song, with so many happy memories attached to it.
And of course, it being September 2, it's quite a fitting time to share it.
This month has started off so awesomely (and I'd like to think the good vibes from this song help, ha!)
Football season is here!!!!! My favorite season, y'all. And Auburn's first game was a WIN!!!!!
Austin and I are also planning a Disney day for this weekend. So double win!
To everyone that read and/or contacted me about my last post about my dad, thank you! I cannot express in words how much it meant to me to know that so many of you still remember him or know the feeling. I truly felt surrounded by love and the lonely, scary feeling evaporated.
So thank you for reaching out! I wish I could give all of you a giant hug!
It's hard to believe that a teenage life ago (16 years) I lost my dad. My life literally turned upside down. And while this blog has been a space where I share how I feel about this day, sometimes I feel weird doing it. Am I sharing too much? Am I not sharing enough (but then again, I don't want this to be like a diary).
I remember in the beginning- thinking, wishing, praying that it wouldn't always hurt so badly. Then the memory of the day reached a point where I felt okay (well, as okay as it can be). I didn't cry all day long. I didn't feel this giant hole that ripped apart my heart. And then, it started to feel foreign. I've spent more than half of my life now without a father- my father. Certain traits and familiarities I once could remember so well, I can't now.
So it's now been 16 years.
I'm still sad- there is a big part of me that is missing. A huge player in my life that never got to see me grow up, graduate high school and then college, become the teacher I always wanted to be, get married..... There aren't many people in my life these days that had met him. Which I guess is partly why I feel so bizarre on this anniversary. It's a sad one and most of the time I don't feel like there's anyone to talk to about it. No one mentions him to me outright, even today. And I feel like most people don't want me to bring it up-- I get it, it's a depressing subject. "So today is the anniversary of my dad's death." "Hey can we talk about my dead dad?" "So can I just mention my dead dad, because I don't really have a lot of memories of him anymore, so it's not like I can share those with you." Because the awful, terrible truth is that the memories I do still have are slim. They are memories that seem not worth sharing- we hung out on Sundays. We made a habit of going to blockbuster and subway. He bought me my first and only skateboard. Who wants to hear uninteresting stories like that???
I'm not trying to sound emo (I'm not even sure if that's "the" phrase to use anymore). I'm not writing this to get pity, in fact, I would hate that to be the outcome. I also don't want to bring anyone down (which is another reason I never talk about this to people).
The truth is, I feel like the world has forgotten this incredible man, and with that, I am forgetting him too. It's a flipping horrible feeling.
And yes, I've tried the "old fashioned" way of journaling memories. I even have a book of pictures to remember events and him. But it's not the same. Not having anyone to talk to me about him, it just plain sucks. No one else remembering what today is (and having only one friend send me their thoughts and love today) sucks. But I don't expect anyone else to remember I guess. And I don't want to be the debbie downer that brings it up. So I guess this is the catch-22.