before the beginning

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.- Ecclesiastes 3:11  

One of the hardest things to do is be patient. Especially for something we really, really want.

Ever since I was little I've been in love with the idea of love. Of finding my other, my lobster. And of course, like almost every other girl (or boy) out there I went through a lot of wrong ones before the right one happened. There were so many times I doubted that I would ever get married, that I would ever find the one I would/could spend my life with. Heck, even when I did find him, I doubted that he could possibly love or want me enough to spend forever with me. 

But as always, God's timing is perfect. 

Six years ago this week I met Austin. The crazy part of the story is that neither one of us remembered this meeting until a mutual friend (who reintroduced us two years later) said something. He and I went with a giant group of friends on a ski trip, including the guy  I was also dating  at the time (which is why he said he didn't really talk to me during the trip (I thought he was just being a jerk)). 

The other day we were talking about how crazy it was that we had met (and then forgot). I told him that part of me was sad about it- that I wish I had broken up with the jerk I was with and then I could have been with him even sooner. He disagreed. He had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't in any way ready for a new one at that point in time. So fast forward two years later, we are now both single and both in the perfect place to start dating each other. 

God knew. 

I would love to say that I had been patient in knowing God would deliver. That somehow I knew His timing was perfect and He was just waiting for the right one and the right time. But we all know that would be the biggest lie. I wasn't patient. There were so many times I cried myself to sleep because I didn't think I would ever be loved by someone enough for them to want to be my husband. 

Reliving moments like this one though, where I struggled to trust in God's timing, but it was more perfectly planned than I could have dreamed.... it helps. It has reminded me that I still need to have that trust, faith, and patience with other things in my life. Sometimes a no from God isn't a forever no, it's just a not right now. 

And dang, am I glad it wasn't a "right then" answer to prayer. Austin and I met at the perfect time. We were able to create and grow a relationship that could last. We couldn't of had that if we had tried earlier. 

Thank you Lord, for your timing and this lesson. 

xo, kel

agape

Since this last weekend was Valentine's Day talk of love was obviously everywhere. While the topic around Valentine's Day sometimes annoys me (love shouldn't just be celebrated one day a year and I also hate mushy) church Sunday changed my view, or at least reminded me what true love, agape love is.

Agape love is a pure, unselfish, giving type of love. A love that can be described in 1 John 4:10 "This is love, not that we loved God, but that that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."  
And in John 15: 9-13:  9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

I know what love is because of God, and because His love is so abundant in the people around me.

I know love because of my mom who would (and has) sacrificed everything to make sure that I was safe and taken care of.  Who cares for me with all her being. 

I know love because of my aunt and uncle, who not only love each other, even after decades of marriage, but who love and care for everyone around them. 

I know love because of my boyfriend, who will do anything to make me smile, who puts me first, and loves me with a pure and unselfish love. 

I know love because of my boyfriend's sister who stayed with her husband in the hospital everyday, even while he was in a coma. Who fed him, talked to him, prayed for him, took care of him every day and every night. 

I know love because of my boyfriend's family who never meets a stranger. Who is constantly making those around them feel loved and cared for.

I know love because of my sister, who not only loves me and would have my back on anything, but in how she loves her family. Her children are her life and she would go to war for them.

I know love because of my dad, who put me first. Who loved me and always made that a known fact. Who would spend all the time he could with me. 

I know love because of my friends, who are a constant love and support. Who are there whenever I need them whether it be for a pick me up or just to have fun with. Who go out of their way to check up on me, spend time with me, and show me what I mean to them.

I know love because of my parents' friends who treat me as their own flesh and blood. Who fight for me, support me, pray for me, and love me without ever asking for anything in return.

I am blessed beyond measure to know agape. To know what love is and looks like. To know God's love not only from His sacrifice of His Son, but through the people he has placed in my life. This is the type of love I want to celebrate day in and day out. This is the type of love that I want to radiate in me. This is the type of love that I want my students, my friends, my family, and even strangers to know because of God in me. 
-kellie