before the beginning

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.- Ecclesiastes 3:11  

One of the hardest things to do is be patient. Especially for something we really, really want.

Ever since I was little I've been in love with the idea of love. Of finding my other, my lobster. And of course, like almost every other girl (or boy) out there I went through a lot of wrong ones before the right one happened. There were so many times I doubted that I would ever get married, that I would ever find the one I would/could spend my life with. Heck, even when I did find him, I doubted that he could possibly love or want me enough to spend forever with me. 

But as always, God's timing is perfect. 

Six years ago this week I met Austin. The crazy part of the story is that neither one of us remembered this meeting until a mutual friend (who reintroduced us two years later) said something. He and I went with a giant group of friends on a ski trip, including the guy  I was also dating  at the time (which is why he said he didn't really talk to me during the trip (I thought he was just being a jerk)). 

The other day we were talking about how crazy it was that we had met (and then forgot). I told him that part of me was sad about it- that I wish I had broken up with the jerk I was with and then I could have been with him even sooner. He disagreed. He had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't in any way ready for a new one at that point in time. So fast forward two years later, we are now both single and both in the perfect place to start dating each other. 

God knew. 

I would love to say that I had been patient in knowing God would deliver. That somehow I knew His timing was perfect and He was just waiting for the right one and the right time. But we all know that would be the biggest lie. I wasn't patient. There were so many times I cried myself to sleep because I didn't think I would ever be loved by someone enough for them to want to be my husband. 

Reliving moments like this one though, where I struggled to trust in God's timing, but it was more perfectly planned than I could have dreamed.... it helps. It has reminded me that I still need to have that trust, faith, and patience with other things in my life. Sometimes a no from God isn't a forever no, it's just a not right now. 

And dang, am I glad it wasn't a "right then" answer to prayer. Austin and I met at the perfect time. We were able to create and grow a relationship that could last. We couldn't of had that if we had tried earlier. 

Thank you Lord, for your timing and this lesson. 

xo, kel